Several years ago, I did a series of concerts and retreats at a church in North Texas over a period of a few years.  The youth director there was about my age (young at the time) and was very energetic and charismatic.  He had a fairly large youth group and eventually felt the call to ordained ministry in the United Methodist Church.  Although he and I were not close friends, I would have called him a friend or at least an acquaintance at that time.  I believed and believe to this day that Steve was called to representative ministry in the church.

Much to my surprise and great sadness, I saw an article about him this week that said he had been convicted of possessing child pornography and had been sentenced to 17 years in prison.  I had to read the article twice just to make sure it was the same guy.  I was in total disbelief.  I thought “How could this be?  I know this guy.”  He’s a good guy.  He loves God.  How could he have gone this far down this path?  I could not even make room in my head for this possibility even though I knew it to be true.

One of the things that stuck with me as I read the article was the idea that he and Christians in general feel isolated when they are in this type of situation.  Who could he tell?  Another pastor?  A congregant?  He said he wanted to stop the behavior and even had seasons of abstinence from pornography of all kinds, but then the temptation would resurface and his sin would continue. 

Now, don’t get me wrong.  There is no good excuse for what my friend did.  But I do wonder what might have been if he had not felt the need to carry this burden alone.  I wonder what might have happened if the weight of being a Christian and a pastor had not been so heavy that he felt the need to remain silent rather than seeing help. 

Shame and silence is a huge part of the weight of perfection that we think we must carry.  It causes us to pretend like everything is fine and prevents us from shedding light on our imperfection and sin, especially this kind of “taboo” sin.  The only way out of these situations is to let the light of Christ shine in.  It is to speak it out loud to someone you trust.  You don’t have to broadcast it, but sharing your imperfection, sharing your sin with God in prayer AND with another believer who can hold you accountable to your desire to change is huge.

Whether your brokenness revolves around gossip, lying, addiction or whatever, choose to lose the weight of perfection.  To follow Christ is not to declare yourself perfect.  It is to go down a journey to redemption with Jesus and His followers.  The good news today is that there is no one who is beyond that redemption.    

in Christ,

matt neely - pastor